With the sad news of the death of George Carlin, in honor of his outlook on things, it’s had me thinking of a few observations I’ve had for awhile.

Have you ever noticed that you can, for the most part, build an accurate personality profile of a person based on what vehicle they drive?

First – the minivan. No male with any testosterone left in his veins drives a minivan unless..

1. He is over the age of 60 and driving the grandkids to soccer practice is his only escape in life.
2. Late some evening, when he was asleep, his wife castrated him.
3. His wife purchased it, and he’s forced to drive it, under the threat of never seeing his wife naked again if he doesn’t.
4. It’s all that he can afford to drive – as it was either given to him, or his only other option was a rusted out Yugo.

Otherwise, it’s driven by a woman who equates a car with a refrigerator as an appliance.

Yet, for the most part, the driving behavior of the minivan driver (damn…I sound more like an anthropologist) is usually the same. Whip out into traffic, forcing all oncoming vehicles to slam on their brakes – then drive in the fast lane at least 10mpg under the speed limit.

The closest driver to a minivan driver – is the person driving a Saturn.

I had to keep from laughing today as I watched an elderly couple in a Buick. I know that General Motors has a problem – they want to appeal to a younger demographic, yet not alienate the older population that has been the brand’s “bread and butter” but come on…why makes people over the age of 50 think that driving a large, lumbering, slow, inefficient car like a Buick is the epitome of driving?

Then…we have opposite side of the equation. I was watching an episode of “Top Gear” on BBC America the other week, and the host Jeremy Clarkson – before he would drive the BMW in a car comparison test, insisted on wearing a polo shirt, Dockers, and a Bluetooth headset. Ever since then, every time I look at a driver of a BMW, it’s either a girl who is trying to impress her girlfriends (and her next car is a Mercedes) – or it’s a dude that is wearing a polo shirt, Dockers, and a Bluetooth headset. I realize that I’ve just described every single male under 30 in Scottsdale, AZ. Who has that “uber-cool” haircut that if they ever watched an older movie, would realize it’s the same haircut Pee Wee Herman had 20 years ago!

All of these people usually create more accidents than they actually cause…and have no idea of the nirvana caused by learning how to drive a proper sports car….properly! Europe should be happy that there isn’t a bridge between us and them…or maybe they’d then experience the unfortunate experience of road rage when they get cut off by the minivan, stuck behind the Saturn, who’s car won’t start because they stalled avoiding the Buick taking 30 minutes to parallel park…all while the dude in the BMW looks like he’s talking to himself!

Hollywood, I believe..is its own, bizzare universe. For the most part, those who produce the things we watch – are so out of touch with reality that it amazes me that anyone makes a living in the TV/Movie industry. Yet, not only do they make a living, those “at the top” live quite well.

How does this happen? Is this due to stellar marketing effort by the top studios? Where multi-million dollar ad budgets, now combined with state-of-the-art viral marketing campaigns via the top social networking sites, build enough buzz to elevate even the poorest excuse of a movie to box office success?

Nope – it’s because we’re all idiots.

Case in point – it’s been announced that there is a new movie now in production, based on a 80′s TV series. OK…this is the first mistake. Rarely, if ever, does a movie based on a successful TV show ever to that show justice. I’m thinking maybe the only one in recent years that’s worked is Sex in the City. Now, I was never a fan of the show (being a guy…I’d have to give up my man-card if I thought it was truly worth watching) – but female friends that I have that have seen it enjoyed it. WIth one complaint, though – saying that it was like the writers/producers tried to cram an entire season into two hours.

Second mistake – is taking this 80′s TV show I haven’t named yet – that was very successful, and not using the original actors. Especially when the lead actor in the TV show was so closely identified with the main character. The 80′s TV show in question – is Magnum, P.I. For eight seasons, we all watched the opening montage – TC’s helicopter over Honolulu, then the shot of Tom Selleck smiling at the camera, then pulling away with spinning tires in a Ferrari 308 GTS. Then a shot of Larry Manetti as Rick at the King Kamehameha Club, followed by John Hillerman as Higgins.

Yet, for the remake, the actors named so far – Matthew McConaughey as Thomas Magnum. Steve Zahn as Rick. Tyrese Gibson as TC. And William H. Macy as Higgins. If you pull Tyrese out of this mix, it’s sounds more like a sequel to Sahara, not Magnum. Plus, now, rather than Magnum, TC & Rick being ex-Vietnam vets – they’re talking Gulf War vets. Now – all these actors are good actors. They may have some chemistry, especially since they worked together on a previous film. And…hell – everybody needs to make a living. But – after 8 years of Magnum – doesn’t the “powers that be” in Hollywood get the fact that people don’t identify these actors with Magnum? Seems that only Lucas / Spielburg get it – after almost 20 years, they bring back Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones (and make his newest adventure 20 years after his last) – they even bring back Karen Allen in her original role – and look how well its done at the box-office!

Finally – if you’re going to make all these other mistakes, you’d think someone would suggest bringing in a writer and director that have experience with this type of genre. Nope – wrong again – instead, you bring in a writer who also directs – and who doesn’t have that much experience – you’d pick a guy with a couple of comedy films and commercials under his belt instead. Just to make sure you can elevate this from “mistake” to “idiocracy”. You’d bring in Rawson Marshall Thurber. Who is that? The writer / director of Dodgeball!

I just don’t get it.

Watch the movie “Idiocracy”…then go through a Wal-Mart on a Sunday afternoon. You will come to believe the movie was really a cleverly disguised documentary.

Just read about a blog stat program called Woopra. Check it out at www.whoopra.com.

According to their site, Whoopra is a ” robust web-tracking & analysis tool that works perfectly on any website. It is mainly targeted for small to medium websites ranging from few hundreds up to tens of thousands of daily page views. Essentially, it is targeted for blogs interested in the most minuscule details of every single action. In addition, Woopra provides a precise real-time streaming of every single activity on the website.”

May have to try it and see what happens!